Vol. 2 Chapter 34  

We parted ways with Jung Ji-pil after eating together. Lim Dae-han and I were the only ones left. We walked alongside each other. We were about a step apart.

What Jung Ji-pil said earlier bothered me. Lim Dae-han, on the other hand, had no idea how I felt and kept approaching me. In a way, it could be just a human gait. I’m curious as to why there wasn’t. A person who always sticks next to him when accompanying him. However, it was different from the kind of people who always with Lim Dae-han.

“Let’s watch a movie”.

Lim Dae-han, who had glanced at me several times, soon gave up and made a suggestion. As I was walking to his room, I raised my head in response to the sudden suggestion. I asked, my eyes wide open.

“Aren’t you tired?”

“Not really.”

“Don’t you want to lie down?”

“The cinema chairs are comfortable.”

“You were uncomfortable.”

“Sit in the couple seat.”

He didn’t lose a word. Of course, so was I. I don’t know why he was trying so hard not to go in when he was already at home. However, I couldn’t tell him that I wanted to go to his room quickly or that I wanted to go and do this and that, so I nodded and swallowed my words. And the place we arrived at was a cinema nearby house.

There were a lot of people because it was a weekend afternoon. People of varying ages were scattered. Friends, lovers, and family… There were also many of Lim Dae-han’s friends present. “Hey, Dae-han-ah…” they called out.? I pretended to know them, and I greeted them by saying, “Hello.” When I moved my gaze after noticing them stirring conversations, Lim Dae-han quickly ended the conversation and came back to my side.

“You seem to have a lot of friends.”

Even if I referred to them as friends, they were all arrogant guys who spent their weekends away from school at the movies or downtown. For me, the best I could do was go to a PC room and play games, or to a karaoke room and sing a song in a high voice, eat ice cream at an ice cream shop that didn’t suit me, and then pass the time with nothing to do.

“I don’t know.”

Lim Dae-han ended the conversation just like that. The movie was chosen based on the number of screens it had. There was even a 10-minute interval, but Dae-han chose the 30-minute interval. He bought a large drink, but he only used one straw. What the hell. If that’s the case, we should just suck each other’s lips and watch a movie at home, but I’m not sure we should even go to the cinema. But I don’t dislike it, so I just left it as Dae-han did.

It felt like we were on a date. I walked around the game room and was angry in front of the claw machine, where Lim Dae-han easily lost 5,000 won. I walked past the bookstore and into the accessory store.

There were many products with peach emoticons that Lim Dae-han send me almost every day. There was also his arm pillow. There was also a popular character product. I was the one who grabbed hold of him just as he was about to pass over without any motivation.

“Dae-han, that… You know the arm pillow you hug when you sleep.“

“Yeah.”

“Do you like that character?”

“Not really.”

Each character seems to have a name, but I didn’t know that. To be honest, I wasn’t interested enough to remember each of their names. Still, I knew the most popular ones were bears or lions. I immediately thought of Lim Dae-han when I saw that character. He used to send it to me all the time. I think it was cuter than the peach…

“Then why did you buy it?”

“… I just take it without much thought.”

Lim Dae-han hesitated a little.

The peach emoticon and Lim Dae-han did not go well together. It was a foreign feeling. When I didn’t say anything, he looked at the time on his own and nodded to leave right away. I had a bad feeling for no apparent reason. I expected it to rain, and I kept looking back as if I was hesitant to return despite having an umbrella. I suddenly stopped walking as I stepped outside. Lim Dae-han who was a few steps ahead also stopped.

“I, n-need to use the bathroom for a moment. It’s at the entrance. I’ll be right back in less than a minute.”

“Together…”

“Why do you want to go to the bathroom with me?”

Go first! Then I hurried my steps right away. Even when I couldn’t see Lim Dae-han, I kept running. I went into an accessory store that Lim Dae-han and I had passed by. I brought an orange bear arm pillow with me. I quickly paid for it and wrapped it in a plastic shopping bag. Lim Dae-han remained motionless in front of the ticket inspection station. As I approached, he looked down at my hand. “What is it?”

Lim Dae-han handed the movie ticket to the staff and asked me. The staff said that we had to go to a few tubes with a circle.

“I’ll tell you about this later.”

The plastic shopping bag already had trademarks and characters drawn on it, but I wanted to tell him about it later. My heart was pounding and fluttering as I spoke, but Lim Dae-han wrinkled his brow and turned his head to the other side.

The movie was great. There were traces of efforts to capture joy and sorrow within two hours. There were people squirming in the middle, but Lim Dae-han looked only at the front with an expressionless face. In between, I opened and clenched my fists alone.

It reminded me of the first time we watched a movie together. At the time, all of my attention was focused on kissing Lim Dae-han, so I can’t remember the contents of the movie properly. But today was a little comfortable. If there was anything that bothered me, it was the shopping bag in my arms.

I was curious what Lim Dae-han would think when he received this arm pillow. Maybe he’ll ask why I bought this thing or he’d actually like it. Of course, if it was Lim Dae-han, he’d like it. His messenger profile picture was obviously the pasta I made.

For no reason, my lips curved up and a smile leaked out. Hehe.? I was laughing inside, but Lim Dae-han gave me a strange look. Was it audible? But I laughed on the inside.

I clenched my lips tightly and pretended to concentrate on the screen. On the screen, the main character’s father was dead. The person in front of me was sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn’t believe I was laughing in this situation. In the end, I pretended not to know and rubbed my eyes. I didn’t cry, but I had to act as if I did.

We walked together to my house after watching the movie. Contrary to my expectation that I would go to Dae-han’s house immediately and spend some time with him, Dae-han took me home as if it were natural for him to do so.

I didn’t say anything even when we arrived in front of my house. Lim Dae-han’s eyes were clearly filled with regret. Was it be because of what Jung Ji-pil said about the student’s responsibility? That was just saying, and there was no way Lim Dae-han could be bothered by Jung Ji-pil’s words. I was holding Lim Dae-han, who had come to the front of the house and was about to leave.

“…Let’s go to the pavilion.”

Lim Dae-han followed me to the pavilion after hearing my words. He didn’t seem to want to part, but he kept doing it, so I didn’t know. In the pavilion, we sat next to each other. With my head turned to the side, I asked Lim Dae-han.

“Uh, we didn’t go to your house today, did we?

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

Lim Dae-han, who was only looking at the front, also sneaked out and made eye contact.

“I thought you were uncomfortable.”

“Me?”

“Yeah.”

“What…”

“Did I make a mistake at the cinema?”

Rather, Lim Dae-han asked me back. I tilted my head. The thin plastic bag I was holding crumbled in my arms.

“Or did I make a mistake when we were with Jung Ji-pil?”

“What does that mean?”

“Keep…”

“Yeah?”

I grabbed the shopping bag with my arms and grabbed Ransom’s finger with my hand. Lim Han took a deep breath as he only touched his forefinger. His broad and hard shoulders were also more grassy than usual.

“We’re together, but you don’t even focus.”

“…”

“You could come to me if you needed anything.”

His attention was drawn to the shopping bag in my arms. Perhaps Lim Dae-han thought that I had secretly bought it. I couldn’t concentrate while watching the movie because I had purchased an arm pillow for Dae-han and was imagining how excited he would be to receive it on my own. We walked a little further apart when we walked together because what Jung Ji-pil said had been bothering me…

Lim Dae-han took a breath. Then he grabbed my finger and began to play with it.

“It’s difficult. Ki Young-hyun.”

Lim Dae-han muttered to himself. Those words caused my heart to pound and drop. That’s how I felt whenever I was with Lim Dae-han.

“When I’m with you, I only see you.”

“…”

“But honestly, I don’t really know because I haven’t lived with much self-consciousness.”

I glanced at Lim Dae-han. The sun was more suffocating than the midday. And my heart raced like a boy running on a playground on a hot summer day. It seemed as if Lim Dae-han’s emotions were contagious to me. I couldn’t think of anything to say. This emotion could have been defined further, but it was too big and too great to come from the mouth of an 18-year-old boy.

Lim Dae-han, who was careless with others. Lim Dae-han’s blunt and rebellious personality. He had nothing but power, so he was just simple Lim Dae-han.

Lim Dae-han, who visited my home every morning. Lim Dae-han was always putting something in my mouth. Lim Dae-han whose face turns bright red due to shyness when expressing affection. Lim Dae-han, who studied hard and stayed late at school because of me.

Ah…

I spoke carefully.

“Dae-han-ah.”

“Yeah.”

“Thank you for hanging out with Ji-pil today.”

“…”

“And thank you for buying me food and taking me to watch a movie. And…”

“No problem. Say what you want to say.”

Lim Dae-han changed his expression quickly. I scratched my forehead shyly and swept my short hair over. Then I handed the shopping bag I was carrying to Lim Dae-han, who was sitting with his legs slightly apart and drooping, unlike me, who was sitting quietly in a straight position.

“And this is yours. I bought it for you…”

“…”

“It’s the arm pillow. It’s probably the same size as the one you’re using. Only the character is different. I bought it because I thought of you. I thought I’d regret it if I didn’t buy it.”

Lim Dae-han took out the arm pillow from the shopping bag. It was the same product, only the character was different.

“Even when I was watching a movie, I couldn’t concentrate because I was thinking about giving this to you. I’m sorry if I offended you.”

Lim Dae-han continued to remain silent. Then he hooked and bowed his back. Ransom Han’s wide backing caught my eye.

“I’m going crazy…”

Lim Dae-han raised his head and sighed. His face was reddish as if it had a sunset glow to it.

“Thank you, Ki Young-hyun.”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t want to abandon the one at school.”

The space between his eyebrows wrinkled slowly. Did I misunderstand? Was he implying that he didn’t want to use the one I’d given him? Lim Dae-han’s reactions were not as bad as I had anticipated at the movie theater earlier. Lim Dae-han stuttered and spoke as if exhaling his final breath.

“That thing.”

“…”

“I bought it because I thought of you.”

Lim Dae-han moistened his lips with his tongue after he finished speaking. The red tongue protruded from the gap between the lips and then disappeared. It was clear that no matter what I did, I would never be able to reach Lim Dae-han’s feelings. I looked at Lim Dae-han with a puzzled face. Something was boiling inside me. I turned to look at Lim Dae-han. My clenched hand trembled.

“I bought this for you, so kiss me…”

***

The majority of the students in the class were lying face down. It was natural to feel exhausted by the end of the final exams. “Kids these days,” the teacher said, leaning against the table. It was a clear signal that he didn’t turn on the air conditioner when he was younger, so he couldn’t sleep because it was hot at school.

I wrote down English words on a notepad, skimmed them once from the top, and then closed the notebook.? I stretched out to relieve my tiredness after being in one position for a long time. Ugh. The groan came out naturally. I turned back slowly. Lim Dae-han and his deskmate were already in dreamland. Lim Dae-han hugged the peach arm pillow and slept well.

‘…I bought it before I spoke to you, but it’s embarrassing to admit that I bought it because of you. I bought it because it was so adorable. There were also a lot of things that looked cute.’

Even though it was a few days ago, Lim Dae-han’s voice was still vivid. A low and hesitant voice. The hot air. Even the rustling vinyl sound that accompanied his every movement.

‘Thank you for buying it because you thought of me. But I’d like to sleep with the one at school. Please understand.’

Even then he looked embarrassed. I poked Lim Dae-han on the shoulder. He raised his head after a loud flinch. He frowned and yanked my hand away.

“How’s Ra Xion doing?”

When I asked, Lim Dae-han nodded and gave a rough answer. He mumbled something in a sleepy tone of voice.

“See you later at home, Ka Young-hyun…”

It was a bonus to make fun of him in the meantime.

***