Chapter 526-2: Slapstick Side Story 2 Pirate  

「Scrub, scrub......scrub, scrub.」

The one washing my back in the bathroom is Laura, the girl that Mr. Potage handed over to me.

I heard she was a beggar when kidnapped, but since she didn’t convey any desire to go home, probably because she didn’t have any relatives to begin with, I let her stay in the mansion.

「Yoisho. Yoisho.」

For a girl who isn’t even 130 cm tall, my back is big and cleaning it is a great task that makes her brown hair sway.

It seems she will be 11 when the year changes, but she is quite small for her age likely due to a lack of nutrition.

Her hair was also initially unkempt and full of split ends.

Rita took care of that by combing so hard that she was worried Laura would go bald and cutting off the areas where it was a tangled mess.

Now, her hair is only slightly damaged and sits at about chin-length.

「Err, I’m done.」

Laura finishes the job by pouring water over me, rinsing off the bubbles.

「Thanks.」

I head to the bathtub as I express my gratitude and Laura follows timidly.

「Um, are you really just going to take a bath?」

As soon as we entered the bath, Laura laid on the floor, closed her eyes, and spread her legs apart.

That’s when I sprinkled cold water on her belly, which caused her to jump in surprise like a cat, and in turn made me burst out laughing.

「I’m not interested in embracing a kid like you with a hairless slit down there. I’ll do it when you’ve grown in various places.」

「Aau, there’s a little fuzz.」

I poke Laura in the back and butt with my index finger.

Feeling ticklish, her body reflexively twists away until she falls into the bathtub with a splash.

「Waapphh! It’s hot.」

A bath in the winter is the best, so enjoy it.

「Wakyaa! Something is in the water!!」

Laura paddles clumsily and clings to me.

「Don’t worry. That’s Celia, the bath demon.」

「Blub, blub.」

I was originally going to bathe with Celia, but I found Laura curled up in the corridor on the way and decided to bring her along. Since then, she’s been sulking and only peeking a bit of her head out to glare at us.

「She’s already like a small animal, don’t let her scare you.」

I lift Celia up and place her beside me.

「I can’t accept that my bathing time with Aegir-sama is being interrupted. I was supposed to be the one who washes your back.」

As Celia tries to pour water onto the fleeing Laura, I block her hand and kiss her.

「Nn......nnh......」

My tongue tangles with hers and Celia’s hand wraps around my head.

She presses her crotch against my thigh and, with gradually heavier breathing, grinds against me until my skin becomes slippery.

「Fuwaa.」

When she hears Laura’s voice, Celia snaps out of her daze and separates from me.

「Celia-sama......is so pretty. Not only is your skin and hair smooth, your legs are long, you’re beautiful and have big boobs, how wonderful......」

Celia seems to cheer up slightly despite remaining expressionless. I can tell.

「It feels a bit strange to call them big boobs.」

「Nonna-san and the others are the strange ones! Mine are a decent size!」

She pushes her chest in my face.

My lower half reacts to the matured naked body of a woman.

Laura watches in shock as my dick enlarges with each pulse.

「Eh? Eh? What is this? An arm suddenly grew out......is this really ‘that’? But it’s too big.」

It happened just when I was about to stick out my hips to show her more of it.

「Who the hell are you!? Knowing this is Hardlett-sama’s mansion, you......uwaah!!」

I hear a scream from the opened window.

It is from a guard stationed at the main gate, but it’s not normal for their voices to reach all the way here.

「How dare y-, ugyah!」

「Damn, so strong, three were taken out! Engage, engage――!!」

「Now that it’s come to this, even if I must get injured......ah, stop! Don’t hurt me!」

What unreliable guards.

「I’m going. When I get back, we’re resuming.」

My dick grazes Laura’s face when I stand up.

「Aau, the wind pressure.」

Now let’s see what’s going on.

「Guh......so strong......」

「Enemy attack......enemy......gakh.」

The guards at the main gate are laying on the ground or face down in a tree, dead――not yet, but stretched out.

The demon that defeated them stands imposingly.

「Fushuuーfushuuー」

Although not possessing a very large stature at 175 cm or so, the demon’s face truly resembles something from hell.

The demon’s body trembles with anger as its blood-red hair sways menacingly and hot steam is exhaled from its mouth.

Adorning its body is a dirt-stained garment that has not lost any shine, indicating how high quality it is.

And the crest carved on its shoulder is one that I’ve seen before.

「Bastarrrrd!!」

The demon leaps at me, puts its hand around my neck and pushes me down.

Oh, it’s just Ivanna.

「At least notify me when the war is over, you idiot!! Don’t tell me you forgot about me!!」

Huh, I guess I didn’t tell her.

Even after her flagship was disabled during the assault on Trisnia, she led the remaining repaired ships to guard against a surprise attack from the west coast.

「Didn’t you get a report from nearby allies?」

「It came from the west coast! But how can I trust it if you don’t say anything!?」

I see, Ivanna is a proper soldier and pretty much ignores all orders coming from outside the chain of command.

Ivanna squeezes my neck like she’s trying to strangle me.

「I also bombarded the merchant ships leaving the west coast and drove them back! And then, when a Goldonian warship hastily sailed out, thinking it must be a fake, I surrounded it and forced the crew to surrender!」

Incredible. She’s really reliable after all.

I feel her grip tighten further as she mounts me like a horse.

「In the end, a messenger directly from the Goldonia palace came and said, “the war is already over. You weren’t aware? My, my, fufufufufu”, that fucking asshole! I had to endure the laughter of the merchants, the Goldonian soldiers, my subordinates and the messenger!」

Her fist lands directly on my chin. Mm, that was a nice punch.

「You embarrassed me colossally!! I trusted you and fought for you!」

I swiftly grab Ivanna’s face and bring her in for a kiss.

Then I turn my body around, climb on top and hug her, rubbing my cheek against hers.

「I’m truly sorry. Things were too chaotic after the war and I honestly forgot. I thought somebody would tell you.」

「Don’t give me that crap! It’s the commander’s duty, what do you think the chain of command is...... is for......」

Ivanna reverses our positions and retaliates by biting my neck and lips.

「By the way, why do you just have a towel on?」

「I was taking a bath. I’ll be going back in, why not join me?」

I say as I remove her jacket and roll up her shirt.

「Will you let me take this off too?」

I leave her skirt on and reach under for her underwear.

「You perv. Do you only think with your dick?」

Ivanna snorts and raises her hips to make it easier for me to remove her underwear.

「Pardon me. This is the main gate, please keep those activities in the bedroom.」

Several guards sigh in disappointment after Rita warns us plainly.

「――!!」

While dodging Ivanna’s attempts to poke my eyes out after she returns to her senses, I pick her up and carry her towards the bathroom.

Ivanna and I enter the bathtub together.

There are two bath demons now, but I don’t pay them any attention.

「I’m really sorry. If it’s within my power, I’ll do anything.」

Ivanna speaks over my apology.

「More importantly than that, this marks the end of reinforcements since the war is over, and that means I will be going back to my country. I’m a soldier of the Federation after all.」

Sure, that’s the natural course of events.

However, I won’t accept it so easily. Actually, I will if she tells me to, but Ivanna hasn’t said so.

「No.」

「What’s that supposed to mean?」

If she really didn’t like it, she’d scoff.

She wouldn’t make that happy face.

「This battle exposed how weak Goldonia’s navy is. It would be impossible for them to guard the trade routes. I think they need a little bit of training.」

「Will the Federation consent?」

Ivanna becomes slightly sullen.

「I’m treated like a kid, so if I told them I didn’t want to return, they’d gladly agree. I don’t want you to think that I’m the same as those scumbags though.」

Is she referring to the 105th army corps?

They were also thrown out of the Federation as permanent reinforcements, but it’s not like they had any intentions of going back in the first place.

「Well, it looks like we can be together.」

I sit Ivanna down on the edge of the tub.

「Going straight to this?」

Despite saying that, Ivanna opens her legs and shows me her precious hole.

「Fufufu, such a lewd hole with the lips sticking out.」

「That’s because you forcefully impregnated me and made me bear your child!」

Then it happened, right when I tried to ignore her countless kicks to my face and stick my tongue out to lick her.

Something makes a loud splash.

「Ah, who are-?」

「Why did you come from the window!? That thing you’re holding in your hand――Aegir-sama, run away!」

By the time I turned around, it was too late.

Sharp pain travels up my ass.

「It’s a little prank because I was jealous of your stinky apology. Forgive me.」

A clothed Sekrit is standing behind me.

The dildo she held in her right hand was jammed into my vulnerable ass when I was on all fours preparing to pleasure Ivanna.

「Guoooh!!」

「Not Aegir-sama’s ass again! It’s going to become loose after various things went in recently!」

Sekrit applies more force and screws it in further when I try to stand, causing me to collapse in the bathtub from the intense sensation.

Ivanna becomes furious at Sekrit and grabs a tub to hurl at her, but steps on a piece of soap and flips over.

Not missing her chance, Sekrit readies a counter, but is tripped by Celia and falls on top of Ivanna.

Satisfied at the result, Celia goes to remove the dildo from my ass.

「Celia, pull it straight out! Don’t twist it!!」

「It’s in really tight, I can’t pull it out! Let me try wiggling it, hold on!」

Laura watches the hectic scramble with a hand over mouth, in awe.

「Such a strong man is suffering and screaming......huh? Huh? I feel myself getting wet for some reason.」

I feel like I’m forgetting something.

Oh well.

Totally Unrelated Sidestory: Birth of a New Lizard.

「You can do it, smoothie!」

「Don’t lose, smoothie!」

「Push!」

The smooth-scaled lizard is groaning in the courtyard.

Pochi is standing next to it with a tired look of sorts.

「Why do I have to watch a lizard give birth this late at night?」

I complain as I sip the hot soup Marta gives to me.

Celia is asleep after going on a long trip in the afternoon.

「Also, didn’t lizards just pop eggs out?」

「I don’t know the biology of a smooth-scaled lizard, but it certainly is strange.」

Natia observes beside me with deep interest.

The smoothie roars in pain and claws the ground with its hand as if searching for something.

「Go on, she’s calling for you.」

Pochi growls quietly in response and overlaps her hand with his.

Feeling reassured, the smoothie relaxes, but then lets out the loudest roar so far in the next moment.

「There, it’s born. Let’s have a drink and go to sleep.」

Natia tugs my sleeve right as I turn on my heel.

「Wait, look at that. It’s just an egg!」

There is only a single egg.

It is black instead of the normal white and a glowing letter of some kind seems to be imprinted in the center.

「A letter? I can’t read it.」

The moment the egg hits the ground, it makes a metallic clank and the cracks appear on the surface.

For a second I thought it broke, but the shell starts to peel from the top of the egg.

「It’s hatching right away?」

「That’s impossible. If it is, I don’t think it’s a smoothie then.」

In the next instant, the letter shines bright, then fades away and the egg bursts open.

What remained was one odd lizard.

Natia takes out a sketchbook and frantically draws a picture of the creature.

「Its appearance is identical to that of a smoothie and is about as big as a large dog. Its color is pink and red stripes......what bad taste.」

「It also seems to have wings on its back, albeit underdeveloped ones. When it matures, it might be able to fly like Pochi.」

Marta continues.

「Mama, don’t bite me, ‘kay? ......yep, the texture is the same. Rather than scales, it is more like thick skin.」

Natia carefully pokes the baby’s back.

The baby, almost as if trying to intimidate Natia, faces her and blows out a fist-sized flame.

「It can breathe fire after being born? There is no mistake then, it’s Pochi’s child.」

For some time now Pochi has been laying on its side and covering its face.

I’ll ask around to see what happened between him and the smoothie. It might be funny.

「Well, I guess it’s fate that it was born. I’ll at least give you food and shelter. Maybe tomorrow I’ll have a hut built beside Pochi’s house.」

As I inform the baby with a yawn, the lizard turns to me and nods.

「「Eh?」」

Natia and Marta make a weird noise.

I’m sleepy so I’m going back inside now.

「It’s dark, watch your step. Don’t fall in the ditch.」

The baby nods and waves its foreleg.

Suddenly, a magic circle forms around its leg and three fireballs fly out to illuminate the area.

「「Ueeh!?」」

「Oh if it’s this bright, I guess there’s nothing to worry about.」

I yawn once more and return to the mansion.

When I look backwards, the smoothie is licking the baby’s body and the tuckered Pochi is poking noses with his child.

『A dragon that can manipulate magic. Could it be that a dragon from an ancient bloodline has awakened after hundreds of generations? What will happen in this age?』

Lindbloom is so annoying.

Your voice really echoes inside my head, keep it down at night.

I don’t care if it’s an ancient lizard or a God lizard as long as it is born safely.

With three of them now, I’m sure they’ll feel cramped. Let’s build a house outside.