Chapter 321  

Poliana stretched her body in her bedroom. After dinner, she exercised lightly, and she felt good. She would probably get a good sleep tonight.

Poliana looked around, noticing how different her room looked. While she was gone, it was normal for the butler to maintain the house by keeping it clean and organized, but it seemed that her butler completely changed the place during her absence.

The walls, which were covered with damaged and patched up wallpapers from Poliana’s frequent assault, were now redone. New clean wallpapers covered them. The flooring and the furniture were also replaced to match the new walls, making her room look like that of a proper lady. To be honest, Poliana felt out of place in her own room.

Poliana laid down on the bed and closed her eyes. As soon as she did, the image of the shockingly beautiful emperor popped up in her head.

“Oh, no…”

‘I need to think about something else.’

Poliana tried to keep her mind busy. She needed to come up with something complicated to think about, and suddenly, she remembered the two conversations she had earlier that day.

What was happiness? Everyone’s happiness was different. What made Poliana happy was very different from what would make Sir Donau happy. What would make Poliana happy would also be different than that of Lucius the First.

But how about Poliana’s happiness compared to the other women’s? Poliana Winter was a woman, but would the things that make other women happy also give Poliana happiness?

Then, Poliana thought of another question. What made women happy? Poliana remembered the women in her life. The first one she thought of was Lady Rebecca, but she was no longer living. Poliana didn’t feel right thinking about what would’ve made her friend happy, so she went to the next lady in her life.

Lady Tory. Lucius the First informed Poliana that Lady Tory now had a job. Poliana had been so busy that she didn’t send even a single letter to Tory, explaining what was happening in her life. Poliana decided that she should visit Tory tomorrow.

What about the twins? Poliana guessed that if the Bika sisters’ happiness was proportional to their husbands, the twins were probably leading happy lives now. Vaxi and Vanessa were living the lives their parents wanted for them. As long as nothing unexpected happens, the girls would lead stable and content lives.

‘Oh, there is Liana too. I almost forgot.’Poliana remembered her stepsister. She hadn’t thought of Liana in a very long time. Liana married a decent man and was leading a modest life. Poliana remembered seeing two healthy-looking children running around. Perhaps Liana had more babies by now. Either way, Poliana thought that it was a decent life for Liana.

Many other women crossed her mind. The wives, mothers, daughters, and sisters of her colleagues… And then, there was Stra.

The biggest incident Poliana remembered was the phantom pregnancy. When it happened, Lady Stra was extremely unhappy and Poliana did not try to sympathize with her or understand her.

Marrying a good man, having babies, and forming a happy family. This was the definition of a woman’s happiness according to most people. Lady Bika believed that Poliana was extremely unhappy because she didn’t have these things, but at least, she did not force this idea on Poliana.

But Poliana wasn’t unhappy. She didn’t lie to herself about what made her happy. Working hard for a goal, her emperor, has always been Poliana’s definition of her happiness. Of course, at the moment, her “goal” was holding her back a little. She had to admit that she was a tiny bit unhappy at the moment.

Poliana always thought she would be happy to follow Lucius the First wherever he went. She wanted to be always a step, or perhaps half a step, behind the emperor. She would’ve been content with such life, but now, it seemed that Lucius the First wanted her to get closer to him.

‘Oh, Dog Stew!’

Bang!

Poliana punched her pillow hard. She thought of her son who was left back in Sitrin. If she didn’t have Dog Stew, no, Gerald, would the emperor have confessed his love for her? He told her he hid his feelings for her happiness, so Poliana assumed that the answer was no.

She wanted to blame Frau for everything, but she knew this wasn’t true.

‘Why did I have to drink?! Why? Why? Why!’

Poliana was now certain that alcohol was a huge hindrance to one’s happiness.

***

The next day, Sir Donau got ready early to leave the capital city. Poliana wanted him to stay a while longer, but she didn’t say anything. He accompanied her all the way to Yapa, which meant he has been away from his family for too long.

Poliana filled Sir Donau’s bags with gifts. Donau protested, “Why are you keep putting things in my bag? I can’t take them all. There are too many.”“They’re bribes.”

Poliana held her hands together politely and said to him, “Please make sure you put in good words for me to them. Make this situation as wholesome as possible.”

She was worried about her two old superiors. If they became angry at her… She knew Sir Bika wouldn’t come all the way to Yapa since he was busy working as the viceroy, but Sir Baufallo certainly would be free to come after her. Poliana could imagine Sir Baufallo traveling all the way to the capital city just to punish her. She didn’t think she would be able to endure the disappointment of the two older men she respected so much.

Sir Donau said to her, “Please stay out of trouble.”

“Alright, I got it.”

“And don’t run away again. You know there isn’t any point, right? This continent is just one big kingdom now, and it’s not that big anyway. You should know since your hobby is studying maps.”

“I said I got it.”

“Please be happy.”

Poliana, feeling awkward, rubbed her fingers. She was well into her thirties now. She was the head of the Winter family. She was a fully grown woman and she had it all, yet people around her kept telling her to find happiness. It was a very confusing situation.

Only

They were pressuring her to become happy!

‘Do I look that unhappy and unstable to everyone?’

Sir Donau looked at her with hopeful eyes. He knew his sister was a capable woman, but she had a long road ahead of her. To a married person, Poliana, a single girl, looked naïve and young. Just because he was married now, Sir Donau felt more mature.

Poliana watched her brother leave and when he was no longer visible, she returned to her room to get ready. She was going to visit the royal castle, but because she was still on vacation, she couldn’t wear her blue uniform.

Thankfully, Poliana had plenty of outfits that were appropriate for going into the castle. When the butler saw her getting ready, he said hesitantly, “Mistress, you have plenty of robes, so is it necessary for you to wear those pants…”

She wasn’t dressed any differently than usual, but the butler was still worried about what the other nobles might say. Poliana hasn’t changed, but the way the others saw her certainly did. The butler was certain that people will judge Poliana more harshly for her clothing.

Poliana replied coolly, “Don’t worry, I’m more powerful than most of them.”