Chapter 2 – A weirdo he is, weird friends he makes  

Ye Xiao was too shocked to close his mouth. Even though he had been calm all along, he could never have imagined that this seeming impossible miracle had actually occurred.

This body… had actually belonged to someone else…

Where Ye Xiao stayed at the moment was the Land of Han-Yang [1], the mortal world as it was known in the Qing-Yun Realm.

Although this body had belonged to a stranger, he still retained the name Ye Xiao, as he and the former owner of the body coincidentally shared names. The previous Ye Xiao was the son of the Northern General Ye Nan-Tian in the Kingdom of Chen [2].

It was in the General’s House where our main character Ye Xiao awoke in his second life.

He had been drinking all night at a brothel with his disreputable friends before he got home and died with an excruciating pain in the belly.

At that moment, a tiny piece of our Xiao Monarch’s soul was still active and consequently flew into the dying body.

“I think I can understand my situation right now… No… I still don’t get it…” Ye Xiao frowned, kneading his temple, “I did feel my soul fading away… There was no way I can still be alive. How did I survive and got reborn in this body? Unbelievable…”

He didn’t know what was going on, even though he was a quite knowledgeable man.

It was absolutely impossible for this kind of thing to happen… but, it had really just happened to him.

“Well, fair enough… One who is alive has hopes and now I have mine. With my extensive experience, as long as I cultivate myself correctly, I will soon become the great Xiao Monarch again! When that day comes, I will take my revenge on the three factions and kill them all! NO MERCY!!”

He gnashed his teeth, with a combative look.

The three factions had spared no efforts to deal with him and they had finally beaten him to death, but they could never have thought that the annihilated Xiao Monarch was still alive at this moment.

“Bastards, one of these coming days, I will surprise you all!” He thought.

While he was collecting his thoughts, he was suddenly assaulted by a pain inside his belly causing him to grimace. It was an unbearable pain that felt like his intestines were being torn apart.

“Damn! Now I know how this kid died… He was poisoned…” Ye Xiao realized what had happened to him immediately, since he had had lots of similar experiences. Even though he had realized what was happening, he couldn’t stop the influence of the poison on the body. He was in too much pain to even wipe the sweat off his forehead.

The boy, the son of a general, had actually been poisoned to death.

At the moment, even though Ye Xiao had taken over the body, the poison still existed and had the function of causing death. However, while the poison was strong enough to have killed the boy, luckily it was not strong enough to kill Ye Xiao!

“It is just nothing but a Qing-Ming Fruit Poison [3]… humph.”

Ye Xiao thought, looking down at the poison, because he had identified the poison at once. Suddenly, his vision went black. He realized that the poison had started working again, so he decided to quickly use his spiritual power in order to clear up the poison, but was astounded to feel nothing in his body. That’s when he realized that he wasn’t the Xiao Monarch of his former life anymore. Now, he was just a playboy of a general’s family, who seemed to have practiced some spiritual martial arts but had no spiritual power at all.

Thinking of this, Ye Xiao nearly yelled out painfully while performing a face-palm.

It would be a bad joke if the Xiao Monarch, who had just survived a huge disaster, would get killed by a trivial Qing-Ming Fruit Poison!

The pain was turning more and more severe and Ye Xiao gnashed his teeth. He knew that he should try to survive first before considering anything else. He had no choice for now but to use the very last piece of his soul power to deal with the pain.

Then, he sat still with his legs crossed and grimaced due to the pain, then transferred the soul power out of his mind. He quickly targeted the soul power to where the poison was present and then pressed it right on the poison…

“Puff!” Sputter.

He spat out blood, while his face turned as white as a dead body.

“Damn… my last soul power… was actually used to deal with some lame poison. Now I really am faint… Who would have thought that there would be a day when I actually would be so embarrassed…” He wiped away the blood on his mouth and thought, “For now I have to remove the poison first… otherwise this body could rot in a few days… not to mention my revenge…”

“But… even if I survive this stupid poison… I have no powers remaining to go with my cultivation… My experience… my classy formulas… are all wasted.”

He murmured dolefully, “Right now, I am like a wealthy man walking in the brothel. I have the money and there are girls, but I turned out to be a eunuch… A gloomy thing like this has happened to me. How can I be the Xiao Monarch? Why don’t I claim the title of Xiao Moron…”

Complaining wouldn’t help. He realized that he should figure out a cure.

……

“Who’s the steward? Come quickly!” He yelled, “Go buy me some herbs.” He handed over a script on which he had just written a list of herbs to the steward. For the educated Xiao Monarch, spiritual power wouldn’t be needed to cure the poisoning. He surely had some other way.

Looking at the obsequious steward, he felt satisfied, “Aha, well at least it feels good to be a toff, giving orders and waiting to be served.”

“Uhh…well… sir…I am afraid…” The steward held the script, looked at it, then twitched his mouth and scratched his head, with a dazed look.

“Um? What?”

“These herbs… I am afraid that I have never heard of them…” The steward spoke humbly, “My lord, I have learned many of the herbs in the world. I also have read the Ben Cao Collection[4]. Yet these herbs… Ice-fruit, Fire-leaf, Phoenix bloom… I never heard of them. Where did you learn these from, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Ur…” Ye Xiao slapped his own forehead.

Ye Xiao had almost forgotten that these herbs only existed in the Qing-Yun Realm. There should be none in this mortal world.

“No no no, I was kidding buddy…” Sighed Ye Xiao, “Off you go.”

The steward scratched his head and left feeling confused. He wondered what his young master was going crazy for. He thought, “He actually sent me for some herbs? The guy thought he could pretend to be educated with some strange names written? Really, I don’t have any word to say.”

Ye Xiao then walked towards the General’s study room in a rush.

He got in the room, walked to the bookshelves, and began his search for some medical books, so as to find a cure for the poison.

“I knew it.” Sighed Ye Xiao.

The Qing-Ming Fruit Poison wasn’t a classy poison for someone like Ye Xiao, but it was still something from the Qing-Yun Realm. There could never be any cure for it in the mortal world.

“It seems that whoever poisoned me didn’t spare any effort.” Ye Xiao thought, “However, if it stays like this, then I am in serious trouble. There is no cure here and I am unable to reach the Qing-Yun Realm. Do I really have no choice but to wait for death?”

“Oh right, if the poison exists only in the Qing-Yun Realm… Then, how can it be here? Maybe the poisoner has a few connections with people…up there?” Ye Xiao thought, and a cold light shone in his eyes.

“My lord! Lord Lan has come for a visit!” A guard standing outside the door reported.

Not until this moment did Ye Xiao realize that the General’s House was a really weird place.

There were no females present, not even housemaids. All the people working and living here were guys.

There were a few of them who looked spirited, but they were actually disabled.

It was said that these disabled men were all ex-soldiers who had fought for General Ye.

What a virtuous General, cherishing his soldiers!

That was the first thing that Ye Xiao noticed about his current father!

“Lan? Oh I see!” Ye Xiao was blank for a while before a new memory came into his mind. Lan’s full name was Lan Lang-Lang. He was the son of the Southern General. Now Ye Xiao and Lan Lang-Lang’s fathers were the two backbones of this kingdom, one ruling the north and the other ruling the south.

Ye Xiao and Lan were both sons of generals. Their fathers were often out away from home for years at a stretch, so they at some level shared similar feelings. That is why they hung out with each other and had eventually become bros. However, while the former Ye Xiao was a free nut, Lan was unable to act too unseemly because of his mother.

There is even a full origin of Lan’s name.

The Southern General was a stammerer. The day before Lan was born, he was going home in a carriage, when he fell asleep.

He had a dream while he was sleeping. A dream about sailing in the rough seas on a ship.

When he got home the next day, Lan was born and the family wanted his father to name the baby.

He was telling others about the dream at that moment. But, he was so thrilled when he heard of his son being born that he stammered, “La.. Lang… Lang… Lang Lang…”[5]

Then the steward turned around and yelled, “The General has decided… My young master has been named Lan Lang-Lang…”

And that’s how it is. Lan Lang-Lang got his name, and became famous for it.

The difference between Lang and Lang-Lang was like south and north, heaven and hell!

“Xiao-Xiao, I heard that you were intoxicated last night.” The girly voice of Lan came in before he stepped into the room, “Hah! Only a wise man like me would have gotten away early and thank god that I did…otherwise I would have been led to become a bad guy by you playboys…”

Ye Xiao got angry and cursed, “Lan Lang-Lang you prick! Stop calling me Xiao-Xiao or I’ll beat you to death!”

Lan shrugged his shoulders and stepped into the room grinning cheekily, “Were you not extraordinary last night? You actually got yourself senselessly drunk in a brothel… I have to say I admire that bro, I do!”

“Humph!” Ye Xiao rolled his eyes, “How do you know? You put a spy in my house?”

“Hah hah…” Lan started laughing, “I wouldn’t bother to do that in your shitty place.”

After exchanging a few words, Ye Xiao observed his current best friend. Although Lan was born in a wealthy family, he was skinny, so skinny that his clothes seemed to be oversized, which was not actually true. The slim robe on him clattered when he walked. There couldn’t possibly be more than 100 grams of flesh on his body. He had weirdly curved eyebrows, a flat nose, big lips and funny naturally crossed-eyes.

He had worn a big thick hat on such a sweltering day.

Ye Xiao learned from the new memory that there was a reason for him to always wear a hat. His head had been affected with favus [6] earlier in the year. He had lost most of his hair and had become bald. He could not help but wear a hat…

Ye Xiao sighed, thinking, “Oh no… I was reborn in a weirdo’s body, and now I have to be friends with another weirdo!”

“Oh my bloody god……..”

———————

[1] Land of Han-Yang: A realm known as the mortal world where Ye Xiao’s second life starts, which is far below the Qing-Yun Realm. People who live are all normal persons or low-level practitioners.

[2] Kingdom of Chen: A kingdom in the mortal world – Land of Han-Yang, where Ye Xiao’s present father Ye Nan-Tian is a general.

[3] Qing-Ming Fruit Poison: One kind of poison that only exists in the Qing-Yun Realm.

[4] Ben Cao Collection: A Chinese medical book from the old days. Ben Cao means all plants.

[5] Lang: A word refers to 浪, means sea waves.

[6] Favus: a disease usually affecting the scalp, but occurring occasionally on any part of the skin, and even at times on mucous membranes.