General Sophia Konstantina Themis sipped her tea and scowled.

The tea was excellent.

The little inn of this backwater town had good priorities.

The muffins were average, the veal was on the tough side, her bed was barely better than the ground.

But the tea was excellent, and that made up for many lesser sins.

Her tea time being interrupted several minutes early was not a lesser sin.

Which is why she was scowling at the annoying paladin that had sauntered into the inn stating, "I'm looking for General Themis."Sophia turned and stared at the young man in his shiny armor, pinning him in place as effectively as if his feet were nailed to the floor.

"Oh my, this must be important! You have a message of some urgency? Please tell me the orcs came over the pass and are threatening the capital.

Or a giant migration? I like those.

Rebellion? Messy, but so satisfying to put down.

How about you explain why you are looking for me rather than keeping me in suspense?"Sir Timothy was trying his best to stand at attention and deliver his message, but something about the woman in front of him was unnerving.

It was like she was seeing right through him, evaluating him, and finding him not worth her time.

"I'm...I'm supposed to tell you...no, I mean to ask you...Lord Brandon would like to know when we are starting?"The general took another sip of her tea, finishing the fragrant beverage and nodded her thanks to the innkeeper.

Then frowning, she turned back to the paladin.

"That is such an interesting question.

Are you accusing me of being late? If so, please have your second talk to my second.

You can pick the time, the weapon, and the details of the duel.""Or perhaps you are impatient and want to hurry me along? Are you assuming that your time is more important than mine? I'm afraid in that case I'm not even going to wait for a duel; such stupidity needs to be dealt with quickly, lest it spread."

"But perhaps I'm being too harsh.

Let’s all assume that neither you nor 'Lord Brandon' know how a clock works.

There is a mechanical clock on the wall of the tavern.

In about a minute and a half a demon and a milkmaid will come out and we'll get to hear the milkmaid hit the demon in the head eight times with her bucket.

That means the time is 8 o'clock, and that is when we get started.

Go find 'Lord Brandon' and explain that to him."Timmy didn't like any of these options, but at least the last one didn't get him killed.

He scurried off as fast as he could.

At promptly eight o'clock, General Themis walked into the center of Sedgewick.

Behind her were her driver, holding a large book and quill, a soldier from the keep carrying a large set of golden scales which he set on a small table, and a courier wondering how he had gotten drafted for this.

"Alright, let’s go over a few rules and then you can get started killing each other.""Lord Brandon of Famco.

You have read the rules and accept them?" Brandon smiled at Billy.

"Yep, nothing in there is going to save ACME from a beating.""Lord William of ACME.

You have read the rules and accept them?" Billy looked at the General and shrugged.

"Yes, but I've got an objection to actions taken by Famco leading up to this event.

Most of my troops are missing because of corporate espionage."Themis scowled like she had bitten into a rotten fruit and found the worm.

"Not part of the war, not my problem.

Objection denied and you lose 5 points for wasting my time.

That's my way of keeping you two from bringing frivolous crap to my attention like squabbling children.

If it breaks the rules, fine.

If not, you lose points over it."Both Brandon and Billy were silent at this.

Neither liked the idea, but neither wanted to challenge her on it and lose more points.General Themis continued, "And now that I have your attention, let’s go over some of the rules so we can minimize problems and damage to this poor town.""Damage to town structures that are not objectives will lose the offending side points.""Damage or destruction of property, goods, vehicles, livestock, or crops of residents or visitors will lose the offending side points.""Killing residents or visitors will lose you big points.

The only exception to this is if that person makes an unprovoked attack against you."

"If you provoke a resident or visitor and they attack you, killing them will also cost you points.""If the resident or visitor declares for the other side of this little fray, you can kill them.

However, you will still lose points for provoking them to take a side in the first place.""Workers are off limits.

Same rules apply to them.

Leave them be to do their jobs, or let them sit in their homes undisturbed.

"

"If a worker attacks you, you can kill them.

They still respawn, but with considerable penalties.

After they respawn you cannot kill them again unless they attack you again.

Provoking workers to attack you will lose you points each time you kill them.""A worker can declare themselves a combatant.

It's silly because they can't fight.

But if they do, they count as an opposing fighter and you will gain points for killing them.

If they die after declaring themselves a combatant, they won't respawn.""If there is an attack by a dragon, an invasion of orcs, or a wandering mob of giants, anyone defending the town will gain points for their side.

Doing things that help the town and its residents gains you points.

Doing things that damage and hurt the town and its residents loses you points.""Finally, the easy part.

Killing the opposing side gains you points.

Each of your surviving combatants gains you points.

Controlling any of the three objectives gives you a bunch of points.""Leaving the area for any reason means you are declared dead and the other side gets the points.

If you reenter, you actually die and won't finish your walk out of death until the end of the ten-day period.""I will be in the town area continuously.

I'll be open to non-emergency questions for 1 hour twice a day, at 8AM and 8PM.

You will find me at the inn.""Now, since Lord Brandon can't tell time, let’s just say that this little war starts when the demon gets hit in the head 9 times.

Brandon, start your people on the road at the 3-mile point.

All of your people.

"So, what's the plan?" Layla was sharpening a dagger that had chipped on one of Sammy's ribs.

Crappy metal.

She should have gone out and gained some levels; her skills sucked and she had no armor - not that it would matter much.Billy sighed heavily and sat down on the edge of the fountain next to her.

"We've got 50 mercenary fighters between levels 2 and 4.

If I'd known I was fighting without Vern's killer commando squads and had the time, I'd have gone for rangers, rogues, and assassins and tried for a guerilla war.

Not happening.

This crew will shout 'YOLO' and charge."Layla looked over at the group of fighters.

They were half drunk and wearing crappy gear.

They knew what was coming.

"Anything from the quest you put up?"Billy brought up the screen.

"Not much, and it's odd.

I have three groups of level 1 and 2 characters that were killing rabbits and doing quests; they all joined up.

All from the same guild, I think - they won't last long.

Then I have an odd assortment of loners.

One of them is actually pretty high level and has stealth skills.

I can't see what his class or level are.

But he's a madman.

Look."

Hello!I accept your quest.

But we are changing things.

Your plan is bad.

Very bad.

The worst.

Next war have a lot more people on your side.

My military advisor says you will be dead quickly, and the army leaderless.

Don't worry.

We will win anyway.

I will be your second in command and take over when you die.

Also add me to this quest so that I can share it with others after you die in the first charge.We need a password.

The secret password is: "Keel moose and squirrel."It's more than one word, which is why no one will guess it's our secret password.Sincerely,Fearless Leader

PS: Please have my loot ready for me when we win.